Remembering my humanity

 It´s mortifying how many people are begging, and living in the streets in Madrid. Many days I walk with a sort of mental shield in order not to be completely torn apart by it because I literally cannot walk a block in my neighborhood without seeing a person begging. Along the route from my house to the metro, on every corner, there is someone. By now I know all there faces, I even know where some of them sleep at night. I give food or change when I can, but there is that feeling of guilt that you can´t do more, and can´t help everyone....and the sadness that comes from feeling that there is little hope of them getting out of poverty....if able, educated people with advanced degrees can´t find work right now in Spain, what are their chances of getting work or help? How has it come to this? How can governments and societies have any peace of mind knowing that so many citizens are hungry and homeless. Where is the justice? I think the main reason why many people avoid looking at these people when they see them in the street is because we know that if we look in their eyes, we will remember that they are fellow human beings. We will imagine the depths of their suffering, and we will recognize that, though we are lucky, we could just as easily have been unlucky, and with a cruel twist of fate, in their position. Tonight I decided to try to leave that area of fear...I knocked on the glass door of the BBVA ATM where a homeless man I see everyday sleeps. He was laying in a sleeping bag, head inside a box. He sat up at the sound of my knock. He looked at me confused for a second, and then realized my intent when he saw me pointing to the food and change. As he went to unlock the glass door, I overcame my fear and looked him in the eyes. I left as he was opening the door to retrieve the things, so we didn´t speak...But after looking him straight in his eyes, my walls fell and my humanity was able to break free. As I walked away, I imagined how alone he must feel at night in that ATM, sleeping on cardboard...and hungry too and my heart longed to tell him that he wasn´t completely alone. That I worried about him, that I cared - that I was hoping he would be safe, that he would make it.  I imagined how much he not only must long for basic necessities, but also love, company, human connection. I imagined how horrible it must feel to have people walk by everyday and ignore you. To be begging for help, and most people won´t even look at you - because some don´t care, but because most are scared.Today I remembered my humanity. And now that my walls have been broken down, I feel tomorrow I can even speak to him, ask him his name....and maybe with my humanity intact I will now be able to help more...maybe getting back in touch with my humanity was a step in the right direction. I don´t know what can be done about this pervasive problem, but I hope things change. I hope there is more HOPE than I realize.